brokenspectra

The more a look at my background the more beautiful it is which I could draw like that, she was so much better at drawing than me. I have to get over this try to think of something else. I can't beat myself up forever over it.

Last night was agony, constantly turning over and over. Geting mouth after mouth full of feathers. Not only can I not sleep from the thoughts of her, but now the pain of my shoulder keeps me constantly turning. It teaches me a lesson though, of how I used to get so frustrated with her wringling in pain, when what she must go through at times is much much worse. I'm still trying to blame one of us but I don't think that is the solution. It fell apart for many reasons, and as much as I'd like to say it was all her fault I know I was in the wrong.

I have to go but I'll write more tomorrow, I a place that no one knows so that no one will read and see what a mess I am. If this is for me why is it online? why is it public. Why can't I write it'll all on paper and then burn it like before. What kind of human am I? does it make sense that I can sit here and right rubbish and polute the internet with worthless dribble. I don't want to be that kind of person. I want structure and understanding. Isn't that what the world is built upon. I want to be able to breath again without spending every second exploding in my heart. She will never understand the pain i'm going through. All she does it